Why Vision Boards Are a Time Waster

Your Best Life, in Images

Vision boards are often a first step in manifesting abundance or reaching a goal. They’re visuals of how we believe our best life should look and feel. I remember amassing a bedroom of magazines, with pictures I clipped for random inspiration. It was a fun activity, but thinking back on it, the problems with creating a vision board become clear. My vision boards were nothing more than random clippings of glamorous and pretty images that caught my eye. The images spoke to my eyes and to my idea of what I wanted others to see me as. It made my ego dance with delight. However, the most important thing missing from my vision board was my self-awareness. Self-awareness is crucial in understanding what looks good vs. what feels right to you). In this post, I’ll share three reasons why I think that vision boards are a time-waster so that you can decide for yourself.

1) You’re Already a Pro at Envisioning

We’ve all been in one, if not all, of the following scenarios. A boring class, daydreaming romantic scenarios with your latest crush. Being stuck in a staff meeting, drifting into the details of becoming your own boss. My personal favorite was lying in bed with my headphones on; each song drifting me into different aspects of how my best self looked, felt and behaved.

I use all of these scenarios to point out this one absolute truth. We’re already pros at picturing/envisioning, (which in my humble opinion runs deeper than looking at a static collection of images). We’ve imagined since childhood! While we’re busy completing our mundane adult tasks, it’s these daydreams warn us how out of alignment we are from our dreams.

We're already pros at daydreaming/envisioning. Do pre-made images really add value to defining our best life? — We’re already pros at daydreaming/envisioning. Do pre-made images add value to defining our best life?

When we envision or daydream, we often conjure up vivid details, at our own will. Searching for images only allows us to connect with a pre-existing image. It also becomes tricky when you’re visually bombarded with “pretty,” eye-catching images, that may not necessarily resonate on a deeper level. Your organic envisioning is more powerful and accurate in this way.

Another benefit that stands out about daydreaming, (compared to vision boards), comes from the Canadian Journal of Experimental Psychology/Revue. Authors Benjamin Mooneyham, and Jonathan Schooler summarize five potential functions that daydreaming serves. One of these functions is future thinking (AKA autobiographical thinking). It serves as a way to speculate and anticipate future events. Pretty useful when we’re in the process of mapping our path to living aligned with our best self).

2) Vision Boards Focus on the “Who,” Not the “Why”

Surviving abusive relationships, crippling fear of failure, and zero self-awareness, I know that material goals only make sense after the deeper, internal pieces come together. Vision boards offer a vision of what you’d like your life to look like but neglect the deeper insights that are necessary to align with your best self.

A vision board is much like the concept of Build-a-Bear. It overemphases the details of dressing up your life, (to look picture perfect), without much thought into what’s on the inside. You get an idea of your “who,” but are still in the dark about your “why’s.” Why do you want to be an Entrepreneur? Is it because a part of you has something to prove to your parents? Do you think entrepreneurship will compensate for feelings of failure in other areas? Maybe you’ve been seduced by social media gurus, showing off their mansions and yachts. It’s incredibly easy to fail at obtaining things that you “want” when you want them for the wrong reasons.

Is your vision board guiding you to goals that actually resonate with you? — Is your vision board guiding you to goals that resonate with you?

If a vision board allows you to look at what you think you want, without a more in-depth audit on the “why’s,” then it’s silently egging on a lack of self-awareness. Pushing you in the opposite direction of what your higher self truly aligns with only creates confusion and frustration.

3) Vision Boards Aren’t Where the Magic Happens

When someone goes into business for themselves, they usually become entangled in “busy work.” Tasks that take up time, but aren’t getting their business any closer to generating a profit. There’s a tremendous difference between being busy and being productive. Vision boards are mostly busywork, in self-improvement, and manifesting worlds. Adding new photos to your vision board is like being excited that you received engagement on a post from your business page (rather than an actual sale). Vanity metrics type of fluff.

The vision board isn’t where the magic happens. The magic happens in the chunks, small bits that we put toward achieving self-awareness to define and work toward goals. We can only be all-in, on goals, and “why’s” that touch our soul. These “why’s” create deep roots, making abandonment of our goals and success unthinkable. Anything less than that, can’t stand up to the constant tests that life throws at us. Read this post if you genuinely want to set compelling goals that impact every aspect of your life, along with smart goal setting strategies.

Many of us get super excited initially, creating our vision board (similar to imagining how we’ll spend a million-dollar jackpot). Unfortunately, for many of us, the creation of this vision board is where our journey begins and ends. Life comes fast. Our day job is demanding, and our families can be even more so. We have a chance to catch up with a good friend. We finally go on vacation, or pick-up into more responsibility at our job. The kids need help with homework… and there sits our vision board. A pretty reminder that one day, we decided we were going to go for it.

To focus on what, in my opinion, is a more productive tool, read my core post on how self-awareness helps you create fulfillment in every aspect of life.

What’s your experience with vision boards? Did this post offer you a new perception? Let’s talk about it, and don’t forget to share, to get the conversation going.

Should You Be the Bigger Person?

Be the Bigger Person?

We’re always told to “be the bigger person,” in the face of confrontation. It shows class, maturity, and self-control (all admirable traits). But, for all of the sense, and good intent in that school of thought, there’s an ugly truth. There are times when being the bigger person, feels more like being a doormat. Not taking the high road, sounds counter-intuitive, to our karmic energy. This isn’t the case. If putting on a smile for appearances, or biting your tongue doesn’t feel right, it’s ok. Here are four reasons you shouldn’t always be the “bigger person.”

Reason #1: Taking the High Road, Often Leaves Us Feeling Low

Let’s talk about the vibes we’re putting out, (to make that ever-present Law of Attraction), work in our favor. We usually believe that in diffusing a situation, ( throwing ourselves onto the altar of moral sacrifice), we’re winning. Our vibes are on point. But, if we’re contorting ourselves to accommodate someone else’s rude, demeaning, shameful behavior, are we winning?

Is diffusing the situation with kindness, humor, (or worse yet, an apology of our own), really going to make the Universe smile upon us? It depends on the situation, and more importantly, how we internalize the case after we walk away from it.

Yes, we may feel like Namaste ninjas at the moment. Observers may admire our ability to keep it together, while someone’s pushing our buttons. Those momentary vibes aren’t the only ones that count. Our vibrations in the aftermath lay heavy on our subconsciousness. Those vibes can adversely affect our self-awareness. They hold the weight of how we define ourselves.

Positive vibes don't always come from being the "bigger person". — Positive vibes don’t always come from being the “bigger person.”

If walking away, (wearing your lovely Namaste crown), leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth, you leave one situation resolved, while creating a new issue, (between you and your self). If, after taking stock, you realize that being the bigger person is making you feel more like a doormat, it’s time to rethink, (even ditch), the title of being the “bigger person.” Which vibe will get you closer to fulfillment, Namaste, or doormat?

Reason #2: You Set the Tone

An empowering fact is that we set the tone for how others treat us. We either stand with our mouths wide open (accepting what others feed us), or we draw clear red lines. What happens when a parent proclaims, “that’s enough, no cookies for you,” only to cave in, after tiring of their child’s tantrum? The child, (from the youngest of ages), quickly learns that boundaries are meaningless.

When it becomes evident that someone doesn’t respect our boundaries, we often offer a generic justification like “but she means well.” I’m guilty of hanging onto friendships and relationships that left me operating at an emotional or financial deficit. Once I realized that I’m in total control of what I allow, I began drawing strict red lines. My red lines became non-negotiable self-care tools. They empowered me to finally end an eleven relationship with a narcissist. (You can read about the relationship lie, that keeps us in toxic relationships here).

Being the "bigger person", should never leave you feeling like a doormat. — Being the “bigger person” should never leave you feeling like a doormat.

Taking the high-road for the sake of others or appearance puts you on the fast-track, to being walked all over. Do you sacrifice your needs caring for an aging parent, while siblings dodge responsibility? Maybe your girlfriend seems always to have money for her wants, but cries broke, asking you to spot her when you go out. “Oh my siblings have their kids to worry about,” can become convenient reasoning for their insensitivity to your needs. “Oh, she’s not good with managing her money, but is a blast to go out with,” can help you feel like always being stuck with the tab is OK. You must be able to sit with your feelings on a frequent and honest enough way, to understand how a lack of boundaries, is affecting you.

Reason #3: Reeling Within

When someone is violating a principle that you feel strongly about, being the “bigger person” becomes more difficult. There’s a hefty price we pay when we sacrifice what we hold dear to our hearts to keep the peace. Our self-talk rages at us. It makes all sorts of judgments about our backbone and self-respect. We also set the stage for resentment to brew. Continuing to accept the short end of the stick sets the timer on an inevitable explosion.

Reason #4: We Lose Our Trust

As a domestic abuse survivor, this last reason registers as the most crucial reason why we shouldn’t always be the bigger person in a confrontation. There’s something that happens when we sacrifice our true feelings, for any reward. We lose our trust. We get used to justifying others and questioning ourselves. “Maybe I overreacted”? “They lied, because they know I have a short fuse.” “I left them no choice.” We repeat the same stories to ourselves, casting ourselves as the villain, or the incompetent fool, who can’t be trusted. This characterization of ourselves becomes our truth. From here, we can be manipulated more easily, always trusting others, more than we believe ourselves.

I’m sure this is an unpopular opinion, as many will suggest that I sound like I’m defending the human Ego. Some will insist that Namaste, and “Nope, Not Today,” can’t coexist, but I find great success in embracing both, (allowing my self-awareness, to guide each situation). What are your thoughts?

Fall in Love With Yourself This Fall

The Perfect Backdrop, For Falling in Love With Yourself

There’s nothing like a change in seasons, to stimulate the desire for positive life changes. Fall is my favorite season for so many reasons. The sun still warms your skin during the days (which are still long enough to enjoy). Fall clothing and decor, offer colors and textures, as rich and vast as the changing foliage. Home feels a bit cozier, inviting more frequent opportunities for quiet reflection. I can’t think of a better time of year to fall in love with yourself than Fall. These are three ways you can fall in love with yourself this Fall.

Fall is the perfect time to fall in love with yourself.

Speak Lovingly to Yourself.

A practice that has changed my mindset (and life) is speaking to myself in a deliberate, honest, but kind manner. In my reflective journaling, patterns of abusive self-talk, (mimicking the cruelty of toxic relationships from my past), became evident. The patterns of the self-talk of those close to me, also display a similar tone, forcing me to take action, advocating for my positive self-talk, and fulfillment.

What exactly does cultivating positive self-talk look like? Great question. For me, it’s speaking deliberate, positive daily affirmations, out loud, looking myself in the eye. I always thought the idea of affirmations was cheesy until I began having my four and six-year-old do them before school. Seeing them light up, taking on positive, motivated energy, convinced me that the only thing cheesy, was my fixed mindset toward the effectiveness of affirmations.

Because eye contact has been tricky for me (coming from a past of abusive relationships), I decided to up the intensity, looking myself straight in the eye. We always hear how important it is to look at others in the eye when we speak to them, so why would we deny ourselves that same respect and attention? Find or create an uplifting affirmation (that resonates with you), and recite it, looking yourself in the eye. This exercise also creates impactful self-awareness.

For a transformative course on how to speak your fulfillment into existence, check out The Art of Positive Self-Talk.

Fall in Love With Your Shape.

Something that took me over a decade and two children to do was clearing my closet. I don’t just mean clear my closet. This was beyond your average cleaning/organizing. I decided to accept and love the body I currently had (while working on the shape I want). That meant getting rid of the old clothes, that I’d often squeeze half a thigh into, as a measure of my progress, (actually my worthiness).

I decided that I deserved to look and feel sexy at every stage of my life and weight loss journey. You can read more about how I finally ditched that stale energy and got my sexy back in this post. If you struggle to love your body, ditch clothing styles and sizes that accentuate your insecurities. Start investing in clothing that loves, and compliments the body you have now.

Celebrate what makes you different. — Celebrate what makes you different, not perfect.

Fall in Love With Your Individuality.

Have you ever looked at a beautiful bunch of vibrant Fall leaves, and started nitpicking at their flaws? I didn’t think so. Sure, they may be on the ground, having been stomped on, driven over, and muddied up a bit. That doesn’t stop us from admiring their beauty. We still notice the brilliance of each leaf (holes and rips aside).

Living in a world that places a high value on perfection, this is the perfect time to treat ourselves with the same forgiveness we treat our beautiful Fall leaves. So what, you’ve had some experiences that have left you a little muddied and torn in certain places. That doesn’t take away from your brilliance. It doesn’t make you less worthy of being noticed and admired. Fall in love with those battle scars. Celebrate what makes you different and imperfect. You have the same ability of Fall leaves, to stun and create wonder, scars showing, and all.

By speaking lovingly to yourself, dressing yourself in confidence, and celebrating your uniqueness, you’ll set yourself up for a true romance with yourself this Fall.

Archives for October 2019