The Stale Energy, Holding You Hostage
I felt a false sense of security every time I opened my closet. It appeared as though I had an outfit for every occasion. After children, my daily wardrobe became dull, but a comfy, functional combo of yoga pants and sweatshirts. I didn’t recognize the stale energy that I needed to ditch to feel sexy again, right in my closet.
As comfy as my everyday wardrobe was for my basic gym/ momming duties, there was a huge problem that I was denying. Somewhere between sleepless infant nights, entrepreneurial aspirations, and depression, I had accumulated a closet full of clothes that shouted “unworthy“!
Between ordering the wrong size clothes online, (in total denial about my post-baby body), and hoarding decades-old clothing, I was in a vicious, self-abusive cycle. There was an ugly truth that made me feel like a failure, and I finally decided to empower myself and ditch decades worth of stale energy. Here’s how you can do the same for yourself.
The Stale Energy Lurking Under Your Nose
There’s this self-torture ritual many of us put ourselves through. I like to call it the “Am I Worthy Yet” challenge. It’s the one where you periodically step away from the stretchy, accommodating clothing, and test how your old rigid jeans, (or any other shred of cloth you see fit to base your progress on), currently fit you.
Countless occasions, I’d allow myself to look at my extensive wardrobe and feel prepared until the last-minute. It always ended the same. After trying EVERYTHING on and proclaiming in shock, “this still doesn’t fit,” I do the walk of shame over to my one “go-to” outfit that never lets me down.
The gear that skates the line between acceptable and “I give up.” My significant other looking on in disbelief says the obvious, “Why don’t you buy clothes that fit”? Great effing question!
Insanity is a Pill We Continue to Swallow
What exactly is the thought process behind this cycle of abuse we indulge? When did we decide the clothes in our closets and drawers are the golden keys to our success and value? After working out like a beast, and eating healthy, shouldn’t the reward for my hard work be to fit into clothes from 15-20 years ago?
The diet and cosmetic surgery commercials show women living their best life, as they shimmy into their high school size jeans. After all, how can you possibly find love, health, fulfillment, and success at a size 9-14? Saying that out loud sounds like complete crap, but we quietly buy it, rather than ditch the stale energy, (and that stale mindset).
We confine ourselves to the idea that every few months, we must dig through that heaping pile of stale energy, using it as a barometer of our worthiness. Last year I hit my breaking point. As always, it was a special occasion that brought the shit show on.
One Wedding, Two Dresses
I decided to avoid the stress of physically going shopping and trying on clothes for my cousin’s wedding. I ordered a long black dress with some questionable cut-outs that I knew would be iffy. Convinced that I could lose the fat that was in a bit of the wrong places, I went for it.
I tried the dress on when it arrived, and it fit! I was within an inch of my life, but with a month to go, I figured I could lose a little water weight to make it comfier. On the day of the wedding, as my sisters were on the way to pick me up, I stepped confidently into the dress. OMFG!! “Jeff, can you zip me up,” I asked just a little anxiously. I knew what was coming. As he attempted to squeeze my back fat into a zipper, it happened… the zipper broke.
With a David’s Bridal a few blocks over, I stormed the store like a lunatic, in a frantic race against the clock. Dress after dress, size up after size up, fit horribly. Boobs smushed flat and spilling out of the sides, stomach pushing the limits of the stretchy fabric, and back fat oozing out.
I had o settle for a shimmery dress, (yeah because shimmer fabric is slenderizing). It was the only dress that came close to fitting, so I wasted money on a second dress, that wasn’t flattering, but fit the dress code. All I remember was thanking God that it was a windy rooftop wedding, and shawls were given out. I remained wrapped in mine all night, (including inside).
Taking my Sexy Back, and Ditching the Stale Energy for Good
After that incident, something finally clicked. It felt like a breakdown, but it was an awakening. I told my mother I didn’t want to waste money on new clothes, only to lose weight and have them be too big. (My dramatic weight loss was already five years in the making). ” You’re not dropping thirty pounds in three months. Get what you need now, and worry about a dramatic weight loss when it happens”.
Affording new clothes wasn’t an issue. My guy would plead with me to get new footwear (he was totally baffled and over the meltdowns). My mental blocks were the issue. I realized that I was waiting for the body I wanted to show up before I felt it worth spending money on new clothes for myself.
I was holding this idea that a skinny body would be more fun to dress than a full-figured frame. It was never about not wanting to waste money. It was about the fact that I felt my current body didn’t deserve the attention a skinnier version would deserve. To ditch the stale energy in my closet, I first had to get self-aware about what my issues and justifications were, (no matter how ridiculous they were).
Going through my closets and drawers with a vengeance, I had another realization. The clothes I so desperately hoped to fit back into were no longer my style. Granted, I was still clueless about what my style was, but I knew they weren’t it.
Realizing that my tastes had evolved beyond what those outfits represented was liberating. It was the first mental shift during that purging of stale energy. The change went from “I’m not worthy of these clothes,” to “these clothes aren’t worthy of taking up space in my closet.” Once the decision is in your hands, your attitude about a situation quickly flips.
The Waiting Game
Only clothes that love and appreciate the body I have now deserve space in my closets. Everything down to my lounge clothes is a celebration of my body and style. (I went through a similar transformation when I realized it was time to ditch the “mom bun”). How many times do we put off celebrating or doing something for ourselves, until this “perfect” time we concoct in our heads?
The waiting game is tricky and usually self-defeating. When you become self-aware to realize that the messages you send yourself in one aspect of life, often trickle into others.
When I ditched the stale energy in my closet, (deciding not to wait for a perfect body to dress with love), I also stopped waiting for the ideal time to jump into new manifesting our new home, and starting new projects.
Clearing your closets, rather than continuing to try on clothes that no longer honor you, can lead to incredible mental shifts.
Do you feel like your closets can use a good purge? Are you done playing the “Am I Worthy Challenge,” and taking your power back now? Let’s talk about it! Don’t forget to share for anyone you think needs to ditch their stale energy.