New Year’s Resolutions Failing? Read This Before You Give Up

Personal Growth Lifestyle
New Year's Resolutions Failing? Read This Before You Give Up
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So how are those new year’s resolutions, intentions, mantras and mottos coming along? I’m recording this episode on January 19, which is a very important day for those of us that have set forth a new year’s resolution intention, mantra or motto. And I’ll tell you why. It is the exact date that research conducted by Strava predicts most of us will likely give up on our new year’s resolutions, about 80% of us will drop them like they’re hot, completely by the second week of February. Wow. Now before you go, throwing your hands up in a fit of “fuck it” rage, and trust me when, when I was younger, I was the queen of tossing goals into the fuck it bucket.
I’m here to help you breathe new life into your goals. So today, what we’re going to cover is the difference between what I refer to as setting dandelion wise, like fuzzy dandelion wise, versus setting bolder as in the big ass rock bolder wise, and why and how you need to set self aware goals. So we’re going to get into that today. And make sure that you tune in into the end, because you’re going to get one to three thought provoking questions that are going to scratch the surface of your self awareness. And they make for excellent journaling prompts. So let’s get into it.

Now I went through an entire decade, actually, it was a little bit more than that, between about 16 and 28 of taking any goal of taking any goal I was working towards, and just on a whim stopping literally just just walk away, just pick up and walk away from it.You know, it reminds me of those inspirational cartoons of the two guys with the pics and they’re underground, digging their way to their goals. And like on the other side of the dirt you see like this treasure all these jewels. And you have the one guy who looks really defeated. And he just turns his back and he’s walking away. When he is just right there.

The jewels the spoils, rewards are right there maybe like five more swings of his pick, and he would have had it right. And then you have the other guy who’s a little bit further behind him but as enthusiastically swinging away about to reach that goal that treasure. Yeah, I was the guy who walked away numerous times. God only knows how close I may have been to the goals that I had at that point. I started and stopped more than halfway through semesters at school with the my time and my money. certifications.

I remember actually specifically back in the day and I love going to the gym. I haven’t been there in over a year since the whole COVID thing happened. I’ve been working out at home but the gym was like my my sanctuary my sanity saver for years. And so I decided hell I’m here so often let me go and get my personal trainer certification. And back then I think it was Ace that had they were like the big name and training certifications. So I was getting into some sort of like emotional turmoil which like one wasn’t I in emotional turmoil with my then boyfriend which was a narcissist abuse relationship. And I quit, I quit without even having the ability to get a refund.
I, to be completely honest with you should have no nose right now. I cut it off to spite my own face so damn frequently back then. So here are a few things that I’m going to share with you now that I’ve learned along my slightly over a decade’s worth of kicking my own ass.

So the first thing that’s going to help you breathe new life into your new year resolution is that you have to set self aware goals, it is the first thing that you have to do. And you of course, also have to have a self aware roadmap to achieving those goals. I remember having magazines littered all over my apartment that were like cut out had pieces hanging out of them. And my ex would be like, what I mean, like, are you a hoarder? What’s going on?

And I would create vision boards, although I’d never put a name to it back then and how I don’t even know if like vision boards or inspiration boards were a thing back then, or if no one was really talking in the mainstream about manifesting and all that type of thing. But that’s what I was doing back then. And here’s the thing, the images that I was cutting out images of skinny petite blonde women as my body goals, I had images of red cherry red sexy sport cars, like two seaters. As like my car goals.
I even had, like couture, haute couture, whatever it is the runway crazy looking fashion. Yeah, I cut those pictures out as if those were like my wardrobe goals. I would never step outside and these things. These were my goals. It’s, it’s crazy. And I can tell you now that every one of these goals were ego driven. They appealed to my egos desire to be perceived a certain way by others. The truth was, and you know, I enjoyed back then and still do being five, eight, and a curvy woman.You know,I can live without the bloating granted.Can’t we all?!

Here’s to my new year’s resolution by the way or one of my mantras, which is gut health over weight loss. You know, I like having room in a car, right? I don’t want to be in a two seater sport car, I need and like room to be comfortable to stretch out my five, eight curvy body and not feel a claustrophobic panic attack coming on. And I like comfy clothes. They can be pretty, they could be cute. They could flaunt certain parts of my body. But comfort is first on my list. And I’ll be honest with you, too, I could give a damn or I get my clothes if I’m on poshmark. And I see something. And I’ve gotten things that were used and cute for $10 or even less. I’m not above that, trust me.
So,you know, why? Why is it important to set self aware goals after I told you all of this? Well, hell, we can agree that it’s hard enough to achieve goals that you are actually excited about. You know, the ones that truly do align with who you are and what you want. What happens when you hit a roadblock on a path to a goal that you don’t really value to begin with? That doesn’t really do it for you, but doesn’t register. And let’s not forget the pitfall and we all can and probably at some point have fallen subject to this one of going after goals that don’t even belong to us.

You know, perhaps it’s a goal that belongs to your parents or your business or romantic partner. It’s tricky. It really is tricky. And I actually have a simple exercise that my students and myself aware of goal setting course do before they even begin the mini course. And I tell them if they score a certain way on that exercise, that they need to rethink their goal before they move on. And if you want me to walk you through that exercise, I’m actually going to list the link to the podcast episode that I walk you through that episode. That episode rather, I think it’s I want to say it’s like two episodes before this episode, but I will link it don’t do it to yourself.

Don’t do it. Don’t waste your time, your money and your energy. They’re too valuable. They’re too valuable to be squandered on the wrong person. pursuits, you know, and for what? To enable those who want to live vicariously through you to impress people that I’m willing to bet, you’re not even too hot on in the first place. Who is it as Gary Vey that always says, we sit there spending all this money to impress people that we don’t give a shit about. We don’t like them. And they probably, you. know, very likely feel the same way about us.
And actually, I was in an interesting group and had a great energy today. I was on that new social media app, and I’ve only been on there for a few days. So that’s why I’m like, stalling for the name. Clubhouse. I forget the name, it’s clubhouse. And one of the ladies in the clubhouse room that I was on said, she listened to someone else who’s a financial advisor. And that person said, before you go to buy something, think to yourself, if no one was ever going to see me wearing this, or using this or in this, if it was just for me, my eyes and my knowledge, only would I still want this. So I thought that that was really powerful.

Because, again, we waste a lot of time, money and energy. They’re so valuable, so hard to come by, you know, on the wrong pursuits for the wrong reasons. And as I had mentioned, your steps towards that goal to be planned, they have to be planned with self awareness. So, you know, you have to be able to set yourself up for small wins, the small wins, let’s not get caught up in ego, let’s not feel like we have to go barreling headfirst through these crazy, crazy hurdles, you have to set yourself up for the small wins because those wins those doable wins, will allow you to continue showing up for yourself. That’s one of the reasons why so many of us give up.

Because once we prove to ourselves this kind of pattern of not showing up for ourselves. We just say, you know, oh, well, again, there’s there’s that chocolate bar, that bucket bucket that I’m so used to chucking things in. What’s another thing or what’s the same thing on my 10th trial, it’s saying right. So for example, if you wanted to write a book, but you’re not in the habit of writing, don’t set yourself up for a goal. That’s like a chapter a week goal. Maybe start with blog sized bits of writing related to the topic of your book.

You want to focus on gut health like me. But you regularly grab Taco Bell and the like. Don’t swear off eating what you love cold turkey. Play with gut friendly recipes to swap seamlessly. You know, start weaning your way off of one thing at a time that kills your gut health, like maybe cheese, for example, playing around with alternatives or just not having it play around with other seasonings. Take what’s doable for you, not your favorite Instagram account, or guru.

Take what is doable for you into consideration. First and foremost, when you’re planning your steps towards your goals, they have to be steps that are doable for you. If they’re tiny little itty bitty baby steps they add up it’s like when I was going to community college I was starting stopping starting stopping starting stopping if I would have just instead of constantly signing myself up for full on semesters and overwhelming myself if I would have done just two or three classes a semester. Sure it would have taken me a little longer to finish but my God my self talk my self esteem would have been so much better.

And I still would have at pacing myself with something that was a more self aware goal for me. I still would have finished sooner than the taking off a year here then the year and a half there and the and the dropping semesters. Like, I want to say I forget how long a semester really last but you know, dropping it definitely well past the halfway point. You can’t get a refund. Two weeks in i don’t think i don’t know if it still works like that. But you know, I was not even getting a penny back. Plus I had bought my books already and everything like it was just such an of course the time you never get that back. So it was just such a waste, you have to set self aware goals for yourself, even if they’re tiny, don’t allow yourself or anyone else to make you feel some type of way about setting smaller goals.

Now in my book, I know that one of the nine essential habits and this is a chapter nine essential habits of highly successful people is that their Why be a reason it runs really deep for them. It may not resonate with their significant other their parents, their neighbor, their kids, but it’s strong enough to keep them firmly rooted in their goals. They get the importance of setting wise, that are heavy like boulders, versus like like fuzzy dandelions. And as you can guess, dandelion wise are wise that for whatever reason, they sit very light within your sense of necessity and urgency. Once the winds of resistance pick up along your road to success, your wind blows or right off right away it goes. Now, when you set why’s that have the weight of a boulder, you are less likely to succumb to the inevitable obstacles, there are always going to be obstacles, you have a heavy boulder type of why those winds those storms, they’re not going to blow you off of your path.

That is where you need self awareness as well. Because your next logical question will be well Lisa, how do you set boulder wise? How do you even know what a boulder why feels like right? Let me ask you have you ever known or maybe you’ve been someone who is a smoker and gets informed by the doc that the possibility of something awful. Like you know something debilitated, like a COPD emphysema or something life threatening, like cancer and impending death is very near. If they don’t put the damn pack two packs away.
And when we on the outside here about someone facing these types of consequences. We, you know, we look in and we say something like, “well, what more of a reason to you need to quit this awful habit”? Now, the smoker may not even understand how the idea of death isn’t even enough to get them to stop smoking. Yet someone might come along, it could be a family member, it could be a doctor, it could be a friend, someone come along and say to them don’t want to be around to see your kids get married? Or don’t you want to be around to see your grandkids grow up?

Wow! Now, it has some weight to it. Now, obviously, we realized that if that person died, they wouldn’t be around for their kids, you know, see their kids grow up or get married or their grandkids. But for what ever reason, that wording, that idea that vision that visual that they gave them was what took that Why? From dandelion to Boulder, for that person, for that person, again, self-awareness.
Maybe for someone else, the doctor, maybe for someone else, just the first signs of a cough would be enough for them to be like “okay, this shits gotta stop”. So you have to be in some sort of level of self-awareness, where you can feel what a y feels like for you. If it feels like a dandelion versus a boulder. You have to have a y that makes you feel like something has shifted.

Now taking myself for example, I didn’t decide to write a $2 and 99 cent book on Amazon about self-awareness or decide to specifically be a self awareness facilitator because I just wanted to be different because I want to make money. Trust me, my $2 99 cent book ain’t making me no money! I made good money as an adult echocardiography. ultrasounds tech. So it definitely isn’t for the money. The reason that I do what I do, I do it because my why is heavy.

And to the point that it wouldn’t let me sleep at night, that why being that I believe that when we increase our individual self awareness, we can increase our collective awareness and create an armor that our sociopath, toxic political class can no longer manipulate to their benefits. Just in case you were wondering where I stand on politics and politicians, fuck them all. That’s my attitude. That’s my attitude, to heads, to different heads of the same snake. Then we will have a world where the people, we care for each other. And political leaders are actually held accountable for any attempts that they make, to destroy the very fabric of our humanity. For me, that’s heavy as fuck. And not just having this armor against the manipulators, the powerful manipulators of the world.

So that we have an armor just against negativity against those people that are out there. Look, I was in a narcissist abuse relationship for 11 years and then went from the frying pan into the flames in another one that was actually worse than that one, for another year and a half, two years. When you are in a deeper level of self awareness, these things happen a hell of a lot less is much more difficult for someone that wants to manipulate you for their benefit to do so.

Now, here’s the thing. See, I can’t give you your boulder why I can’t even give my own kids their bolder wise, right. And I’m not even going to try when they grow up, I’m going to try and get them in touch with their own, you know, bolder wise, but you can’t give somebody this, this is something that you have to develop yourself. It has to be something that you feel resonate with in your soul.
And while coming up with that may feel kind of like it’s work. And it is work, you know, it has its benefits. Number one, it forces you to look at your motivations behind your goal in the first place. So just like in the example that I gave you of the smoker, it will force you to look at your y for your goal from multiple points. You may come up with a Y that’s even heavier than the one that you already have. On the flip side, and this is really important. You may not find a bolder type of y that makes you feel connected to a certain goal. And that’s okay, because that’s information. that’s valuable information.

If you find yourself in that situation where you cannot find a boulder why a heavy why that really connects you to your goal. You may need to reevaluate your goal. Is it ego driven? Is it like we discussed earlier someone else’s goal? Don’t be afraid to get in there. And we’re kind of in the habit of chucking things in the fuck it bucket right? If a goal if you can’t get a boulder why for a goal, fuck that goal. Don’t be afraid to detach from a goal for the right reasons. It is perfectly okay to detach from a goal for the right reasons.

Now that I have you thinking about that, I’m going to give you a few thought provoking questions that will scratch the surface of your self awareness and make excellent journaling prompts. You ready? Number one, when you speak your goal out loud to someone. How do you feel? Can you speak about your goal and your WHY? multiple times like if you were in a room networking with people, will you be able to go up to person after person and talk about your why and talk about your goals. And light up and genuinely feel excited about it every time and not get sick of talking about it. That’s number one. First thing you should take into consideration.

Number two, where was your goal born? Was it in your soul from childhood, like the way kids sit there and say, I want to be a cop, when I grow up, I want to be a firefighter. I want to be a teacher, I want to be you know, a physicist, I want to be a veterinarian. Was it something that was always in you and you grew up with? And you never detached from it? Did you see a need for something that the world needs, perhaps as you got older, maybe you traveled to other countries, and you’ve seen or just gotten out in your own community even and seen a group of of people that are underrepresented, that there’s something that they need that has not been provided for them yet. And now, that has become your goal and your mission?

Did your family tell you, you’ll make a great, you know, such and such lawyer, Doctor, whatever have you in your family’s business, perhaps, perhaps you come from a line of lawyers, doctors, and they think that you’re going to just roll right in there seamlessly and follow along with family tradition. Maybe your parents just, you know, from watching you grow up thought that you’d make an amazing, I don’t know, fucking basket weaver. And you’re like, yeah, you know, when that’s what they talk about. And that’s like, the only career option that they really talk about when you guys get into that conversation. And you kind of, you know, feeling like, Damn, that’s not really what I want to do. But then my parents, they know me best. And so that kind of, you know, you take it on, either because they’ve convinced you of it, or because you just don’t want to disappoint them. Who wants to disappoint their parents, honestly, outside of those rebellious teenage years, I guess?

So where was your goal born? Think about it. trace it back. So with those two, reflective journaling prompts, that is what I’m leaving you with today. Next week, you definitely want to be here, I’m sort of getting into this, you know, alternating week where I do an episode myself. And then the next week I have a guest on. And again, in my intro episode, I said, I don’t want to be a podcast that just relies on guests, because I have a lot to say and a lot of value to share myself. But I just, I’ve been on so many other podcasts now myself. And it’s so great to exchange ideas and hear other people’s perspectives. And I’m finding that the people that I’m meeting, really have their own wonderful way of shedding light and bringing a different perspective to all these different topics.

So next week, I’m going to bring you a value packed conversation about developing a healthy relationship with food with certified Holistic Health Coach, Laura, Fulks, you’re gonna want to make sure you tune in for that one, you are going to get a lot from it. I’ll tell you, and I work with my clients on filling all of the different buckets of their life. Of course, the health and, you know, confidence and beauty aspect is one of those things through self awareness. But Laura’s interview was so great and her perspective was so great that I feel like I even learned a lot from her. So definitely join me next week when I have more folks on, so this is Lisa Latimer encouraging you to make a personal growth part of your lifestyle and so we speak again!

Are you ready to become your most valuable asset? Book a free chat with me at Lisa latimer.com from there you can grab my Amazon bestseller Who the fuck are you? increased self awareness to gain clarity silence, fear and create fulfillment in life in business. You can also check out my courses, self aware goal setting and speak it into existence with more courses to come. I’m Lisa Latimer and I’m helping you make personal growth part of your lifestyle.

 

 

Link to episode 5 with self-aware goal-setting exercise:

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