Put Your Skeletons to Work

She's So Boss Mindset
She's So Boss Mindset
Put Your Skeletons to Work
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Today’s episode is a fun one. And I have to admit, it leaves me a little bit
vulnerable, but I have been practicing flexing. And this, this muscle, this I don’t give a fuck
muscle. And I have to tell you at almost 40 3:00 AM at a place where my give a fuck is in the
right places. And my, I don’t give a fuck is in all of the right places. So today’s episode is all
about putting those skeletons to work for you and your business. No, it’s not a Halloween
episode. I’m talking about putting the skeletons that you have in your closet. Those things that
you feel like you would just cringe or want to dig a hole and jump in.
Speaker 1 00:01:15 And if anyone ever found out about it, putting those skeletons to work
for you, grabbing them out of the closet, shaking them out, right? Getting all the mothballs off
them and exposing yourself and really be amazing amount of freedom. And just so many other
benefits that come with doing that in your personal life and not so obviously perhaps in your
business. So let’s talk about this. Let’s jump right into it. We all have those things, right? That if
say, uh, I don’t know if the real Housewives of wherever you live came knocking on your door,
wanting to have you audition, right? You might be like, oh, that sounds amazing. But you know,
you have that one or maybe even a few things that you feel like, oh my God, if people knew this
about me, they dug this up about me. If this was exposed, you would feel that that’s, it like ends
game and in your business, I’m willing to bet that it’s that thing.
Speaker 1 00:02:18 And it may be buried beneath a layer upon layer of other things. But I
guarantee you that somewhere in there causing you to show up in this kind of diluted, not as
potent, not as powerful version of yourself, right there is this fear of this thing or these things that
are in your closet, that you haven’t aired out. That you’ve just buried so deep that you hope no
one finds out about. It’s the things that every now and again, when your mind goes to it, you kind
of feel a little cringy, right? You feel a little cringey thinking about it, that you want to see the, did
those things or said those things or dated that person? My skeleton, this is funny because in my
email sequence, if you’re on my email list, I have it set up. I think about the fifth email that I send
out.
Speaker 1 00:03:06 And it’s at the point in my relationship where I feel like we’re, you know,
as if we’re dating, like, I feel like at that point, you know, me, you know, kind of, well, you familiar
with me, you like me, we’re in a little bit of a relationship doing our thing, right. Um, if we break
up at that point, there won’t be any majorly hurt feelings. I won’t, I won’t run in and cry myself to
sleep. So in that email, I say, listen, this may be the end of the road for us because I have two
things that I need to let you in on. Now, one of those things is, and I’m sure you’ve guessed it. If
you’ve, I mean, for God’s sakes, the title of my book is who the fuck are you? Right. And I know I
dropped a couple of F-bombs at the beginning of this particular episode.
Speaker 1 00:03:50 And I don’t, I don’t curse to be edgy. I don’t curse because I think it’s
cool or different because I am certainly not the only person that does I do it because that’s me
and truth. Be told them my family that’s my me, my sisters and my mother, not even so much my
father it’s the women in my family. So that’s number one. And so if an F-bomb drops and, you
know, uh, in an email or in a podcast episode, I don’t want you to be shocked from it. Right. So I
let that be known. And then I also let this other thing be known that, you know, was a skeleton in
my closet for a really long time. And that’s the fact that I used to work in strip clubs over 20 years
ago when I was in my, you know, 19 20, 21 year old self.
Speaker 1 00:04:36 Right? Yeah. Your girl homeschooling mom here running her coaching
practice. Yeah, I was that girl. I was that girl swinging. I was that girl, you know, with, with the
dollar bills hanging out of her bomb, I was that girl. —
— And, um, at almost 43 years old, I look back at it and I wouldn’t change a thing. First of all, I
wouldn’t change a thing about it. I don’t know if you remember M and M or if you saw his movie
at eight mile, he’s not really as relevant now as he was like in the early two thousands, but there
was this kind of brilliant lesson. He was this pale white kid from Detroit that wanted to be a
rapper and he would go and do like these battle raps and, and these seasoned Detroit rappers
would sit there and they would, and they’d be like, you’re a white boy.
Speaker 1 00:05:27 You’re skinny, you’re poor. You live in a trailer like that. Was there a
hole? You know, they would just attack him with a barrage of putdowns and he’d be sick. He’d be
nauseous. He’d still show up to the rap battles. But he was just, you know, it was not a good
mental or emotional place for him. And then all of a sudden he did something crazy and brilliant.
At the same time, he flipped the switch. He took his weaknesses. He took the things that he
knew that those guys were gonna attack him for and put him down for. And he included those
things in his rap. He went first and he included all of those insults in his rap. In other words, he
owned his shit fully. He stepped into it. He stepped into being that kid that lived in a trailer. He
stepped into being that skinny, white boy rapper.
Speaker 1 00:06:18 He embraced it fully. And by the time they got to his opponent, the guy
was just sitting there with his mouth, opened speechless. Like where do I go? Where do I go
from here? Like, you literally just took the words out of my mouth. So the first kind of way that
you could see that this benefits you by owning that, that skeleton is in the sense that if you own
it, if it’s something, you know, I’m not saying that you have to sit there and flaunt it everywhere
you go. You don’t have to paint a Scarlet letter on your head. You don’t have to shout it from the
rooftops, but when you own that thing or those things who could really come up to you and
snatch the rug out from under you, who could do that to you? No, nobody, because if there is
someone that would be shitty enough and low enough, and God knows, we know that there are
so many people out there like that.
Speaker 1 00:07:19 I mean, look at the trolls that are online, that just exist to hunt. People’s
past tweets from like a decade ago down, you know, all for the pleasure of feeling like they have
some degree of power and control in their life because they lack it. So despicably in other parts
of their life. Right? So we know that there are people out there like that, but what could they
really do to you? If you sat there and you beat them to the punch and you owned it, it, it hits
different when you walk into something and you own it and you, and you function within it from a
place of empowerment. Right? And I was just on someone else’s podcast the other day. And I
think the title that they called their interview with me was something like strip clubs, abusive
relationships, and depression to joy.
Speaker 1 00:08:11 And they laughed. They said, you know, we deliberately made it as click
baby, if that’s a word as possible. Right. And it was, it was all good. You know, they had a great
sense of humor. I had a great sense of humor. It’s not something that bothers me because I own
my shit. You know, when I first started dating my husband, there was a point, I think it was on
our second date that I had something I had to tell him, I wasn’t sure I was going to be a deal
breaker, but I wanted to be upfront about it. And when I told him, and the thing was is that I very
briefly dated someone that was in his circle. Right. And that could be really touchy for a lot of
people. So I told him that on our second date, well, you know, we weren’t that deepen.
Speaker 1 00:08:52 And he actually really respected it. He thanked me for it. He thought it
was really classy of me. And, and it actually worked out to my benefit. Obviously we’re married
and we’re, you know, 12 years later with two kids into it, owning things that you think might be
deal breakers for some people is actually the most amazing feeling and the best way you can
operate. And it is going to be a deal-breaker for some people don’t get it twisted. But if you’re in
business, right, part of attraction marketing is understanding that you’re not for everybody. And
understanding that thinning out the herd is actually to yo —
— u and the people who are your people’s benefit, because, you know, once you’re out of that
newbie stage, when you’re initially coming into business and you’re like, oh, I help everyone.
And then you have a little time and you’re getting your ass kicked because your, your content
and your copy and everything else, it just, it doesn’t quite connect because you’re not speaking
specifically enough to any particular person and any particular person’s pain point, because you
really think you could help everyone.
Speaker 1 00:09:59 And that you’re supposed to be for everyone right after you get past that
point in your business, you realize that one of the easiest ways to do this necessary turning off
of people, right. Turning them around in a way at the door is by being yourself and is by owning
those skeletons that you have in your closet, right? That’s the easiest way to have people who
are never going to buy from you and don’t give a shit what you have to say, but they just, for
whatever reason, don’t go to the trouble of unsubscribing for your email list and thus, you know,
throwing a wrench in your, in your open rates, right. That’s what will repel them and maybe get
them to unsubscribe. And then they’ve done you a favor in essence. So don’t underestimate the
power and the amazing things that can happen in your life and in your business when you lead,
or when you, at least on occasion dangle, a few of those skeletons out there for all to see.
Speaker 1 00:11:06 Right. And we hear so much in business about the importance of the
building that know like, and trust factor, right. And here’s the thing, you know, when you are
listening to someone or watching someone and, you know, when you kind of feel the feelings for
them, right. You don’t really know them. You’ve never had an actual conversation with them, but
you’ve consumed enough of their content. You see how they carry themselves and how they
show up. And you know, that you like them, you know, that you kind of trust them. Right. And,
and I don’t know, it’s just, there’s something there, but you also know the feeling that you get
when you’re watching someone and yeah, every now and again, they may have something
useful to say, but you know, the difference between that person and the person that you would
pull, not just your, you know, five minutes of your time to listen to, but who would, who you would
pull your wallet open and actually give you credit card to and interest with helping you get
through whatever it is with your personal growth or with your business growth and development.
Speaker 1 00:12:10 It’s that know like, and trust factor, and how do we establish that know
like, and trust factor outside of how you show up, how much of your life you share, you know,
showing a little bit about you, family showing a little bit behind your scenes of your business. It’s
by showing other people that, you know, like, and trust your self. Right. And you can tell when,
when someone shows up, especially on a live, like I do my Facebook lives every Monday, we do
own your shift every Monday. And then on Instagram, I’m starting on your shift every Thursday
night at seven. You know, you could just tell when someone shows up how comfortable they are
in their own energy, how comfortable they are in their own, just being right. And then you can tell
the difference of someone who is holding back, you know, when you know, and you might say to
yourself, oh, you know, she seems real nice.
Speaker 1 00:13:10 You know, I interact with her a little bit on her posts on Facebook. She’s
a little funny sometimes, you know, she makes me laugh, but, oh, there’s just something that I
can’t quite put my finger on. And it’s exactly that thing that they can’t put their finger on. That if
you’re half asking, when you show up, if you’re not showing up and putting forth what I call like
full frontal or bare ass honesty, okay. Take your pick of which one I go for either. Or if you’re not
showing up with that type of honesty and authenticity, you are not showing people how to know,
like, and trust you because all you’re showing is that you don’t know, like, or trust yourself and
ouch. Right. That kind of hurts like Danley. So who are you to tell me? I don’t know, like, or trust
myself, well, then show up.
Speaker 1 00:14:03 Like you do own your shit. Let me ask you something. When you’re
watching a movie or reading a book or something, is it the stories that the —
— person just appears perfect. And just kind of seems like they woke up one day and just
decided to do the things and live the dream, or is it the person that gives you their backstory and
you’ve seen, and they’ve opened up the curtains on the times that they had to climb through a
little bit of mud and get a little bit dirty to get to who and where they are in their life and business.
That really make you root for them. That really at the end, when they get what they want and
they’re out there and they’re on the stages and they’re writing the books and they’re inspiring
and motivating others, you know, those are the ones that make you jump up.
Speaker 1 00:14:51 Those are the ones that create, not just customers and clients. That’s
not what it’s about. Those are the people that create movements. Those are the people that
create loyal. You know, I don’t want to say fans cause I feel like that’s an insult, but those are the
people that create loyal supporters. And doesn’t that hit different loyal supporters versus clients
and customers or repeat business. Let me tell you something. I’ve had twenties, fifties hundred
dollar bills, right. Thrown at me. And do you know how it made me feel? I felt nothing. Right? I
felt absolutely nothing behind it. What I feel now when I show up for clients and this is even
before someone becomes my client, right? So on a sales call or what I call on a opportunities
call because I know what it’s like to have money thrown at me. It’s not that appealing.
Speaker 1 00:15:54 Like it’s not the beginning and end all for me when I’m on that call. In
fact, when I’m on a call, I have a little sign that I like to keep up that says welcome. You know?
And then the person’s name that I’m speaking to during that call, I’m here to hold space for your
greatness. I’m not here to sell you. I’m not here to take your money. I’m here to hold space for
your greatness. I’m here to talk and inspire you to show up for yourself and to dare, to believe in
your craziest goal and dream. That’s what I’m here for. And you know, what, if I were too timid or
embarrassed to sit here and tell you that I worked in strip clubs, I wouldn’t be able to share the
tips that I have and the amazing experiences that I have that I got from working in those places.
Speaker 1 00:16:42 I am such an introvert. And I know that that’s really hard to believe
sometimes, but I am an introvert and I was an introvert back then. I just happened to have been
an introvert back then with really painfully low self-esteem. And so working in those strip clubs, it
was because I am a people watcher. It was such an amazing learning experience and
experiment for me. You know, I made my little couple of hundred dollars a night. That was
enough to, you know, shut me up and I didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t have to really rely on
my brain, which between, you know, toxic relationships and my own shitty self-talk I was
convinced it wasn’t worth very much, right. I was convinced that it was my body. That was the
real selling point, nothing else. So I didn’t really do too much dancing or interacting.
Speaker 1 00:17:33 I did a lot more observing. And I’m going to tell you what I learned about
human nature and, and dynamics of human interaction. And, and sales is nothing short of, like,
they don’t put that shit in your books. Trust me, they don’t. You want a great, um, kind of idea of
how an of course my cats are going to rumble under the table right now. Uh, you want a great
idea of, of business and transactions and what people buy into go hang out in a strip club for a
few nights and just watch, watch what you pick up from there. So, so building that know like, and
trust factor, it starts with yourself. And one of the biggest ways that you could sit there and show
people that, you know, like, and trust yourself is to stand firm with your skeletons flapping about
in the breeze.
Speaker 1 00:18:29 That’s the best way I could describe it to you, right? It gives you a
competitive edge. Now in high school for awhile, I went door to door selling Kirby vacuums. Do
you think I got some sales experience from that? Do you think I got a thick skin from having
doors literally slammed in my face? How, yeah, I did you think working in strip clubs as a low
self-esteem, um, you know, and, and empath picking up the energy, you want to talk about
energy and being around draining energy? Oh my God. Music blasting, um, you know, the ligh —
— ts going all over the place, flickering, um, loud people and just, just sensory overload. Right.
And I, I functioned in it and I learned, and I observed, and I spoke to people. I had conversations
with people as myself, not as my stage name, right? Like everyone there was, or I’m not going to
say everyone because there were quite a few girls like myself who didn’t drink or anything.
Speaker 1 00:19:28 And we usually were the ones not making as much money cause we
weren’t bopping around. And in that, you know, party, uh, Headspace and energy. But I had so
many conversations with people that went to those clubs and I learned so much about how
people avoid their problems and dive head first into the things, into the distractions that dig them
deeper and deeper into that problem. Right? That, that marital problem, that drinking problem,
that money pit, because they gamble and they spend money like it’s water and their businesses
tanking because they don’t show up. Or because if they’re spending too much money, I learned
a lot by being in my normal state of mind and functioning in that environment. And I bring that
shit. So my clients, I bring it to you. I bring it in the way that I serve people because to some
degree it was a hospitality industry.
Speaker 1 00:20:35 And I was very friendly with bartenders and the waitresses and all the
staff. And I learned a lot from them as well and from watching them. So don’t be so quick to
discount the skeleton that you have in your closet, because I’m willing to bet that if you think
about it, you could be missing out on something that gives you one of the biggest competitive
edges. One of the most unique differentiation factors between yourself and your competition.
And with that, I’m going to leave you with a couple of questions. Couple of journal prompts to
help you dig beneath the surface of your self-awareness. So the first one is, what skeleton is it?
What is it? What memory do you have that could really help you bridge the gap for the people
that listen to you for the people that you do business with for the people that you work with.
Speaker 1 00:21:32 If that can inspire them, that can help them kind of see gap for them to
get from where they are to where you are. You know, where they want to be is vast is expansive,
right? When you sit there and you let people in on those skeletons, those moments, those
sloppy moments, even right, those messy moments, you allow them to say, okay, it’s not going to
be easy, but if I did this, you can do this. You know, I didn’t just wake up and one day decide to
be this. I didn’t just wave a wand. And one day poof, I was here. I started here. In fact, I probably
started several steps behind where you’re starting. So take comfort and be inspired and
motivated by that. There is no glory. You don’t do yourself or anyone else, any favors by showing
up and pretending that this is just how you’ve always been.
Speaker 1 00:22:32 No one wants to hear that shit. Anyway, it gets boring. People who show
up like that are boring as fuck to listen to people like some juice. Like we like a little bit of blood,
sweat, and tears, a lot of heart, a lot of soul. We want to see that big soul energy. And you
showing up perfectly quaffed, perfectly spoken, not tripping over a word, you know, um, here
every little hair in place, makeup on with your cheekbones, chiseled up like the peak of a
mountain. Let’s see where you came from. Give us some of that backstory. Right? Let’s dive into
that. Let us know what story what’s, what’s that backstory. What is it that makes you interesting
as hell that you’re putting all these layers? Right? Last week, we talked about the things that we
layer ourselves with that stop, that big soul energy from oozing out of our pores, right?
Speaker 1 00:23:29 And impacting everyone in a bigger way. What are you piling on
yourself? How are you diluting yourself in your energy, perhaps for the subconscious reason that
you’re trying not to be seen, because maybe if you show up on a live video, or if you go on a
bunch of podcasts, some asshole from high school or college that didn’t really like, you might get
wind of it and might sit there and, you know, tell a news outlet or say, Hey, you know, so-and-so
used to do this and that. I’m telling you these limiting beliefs, they creep up in ways and they
bury themselves in layers. So what is it that you have? What skeleton can help you show up with
that bi —
— g soul energy and inspire others to do the same. And then the second and last question is how
do you get used to owning that skeleton?
Speaker 1 00:24:25 Right? So it starts with yourself, starts with being able to admit it in
between your own two ears starts with being able to maybe say it or even write it in a journal.
Hello? Am I not always, always telling you to journal journaling it, but then where do you go from
there? Right? Who do you have in your life that you could trust? Because you don’t have to go
on a live like I did earlier on today in my Facebook group, you don’t have to go on a podcast like
I’m doing right now and talk about your skeleton. You can work your way up to it. So who’s one
person in your life that you trust enough to air that skeleton out, to and start practicing that
self-assurance muscle. Find that person and say, Hey, I have something that I need your help
with and do it and see how differently you start showing up in your life and in your business.
Speaker 1 00:25:25 And when you do it, I want you to message me. I want to know all about
it. You don’t have to tell me what the skeleton was if you don’t want to, but I want you to journal
journal for like a month, how you show up in your business differently without the weight of that
skeleton on you, with the feeling of walking on air to some degree with that fear, not being so
scary anymore, not feeling like you have a boogeyman hiding in a closet. That’s, you know, just
waiting for some jerk to open up and, and have jumped out at you. Let me know how that feels
to you. All right. So that is it for today. I will be with you not next week, but the following
weekend, you never know. Because like I said, in last week’s reset episode, I will be dropping
bonus episodes, which are called five minutes to win it. Where I come in and hit you with just the
quickest nugget that you could hit the ground running on. Right. But those are just random.
Those will be little treats. When you see them, you’d be like, oh, it’s a five minute to win it.
Awesome. And you can just pop it on and boom, you’re done. So keep an eye out for those,
because you never know when one of those will drop. And until the following week’s official
episode of shiso boss mindset, I’m Lisa Latimer, get out there and show your mindset. Who’s
boss.

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