The Personal Growth Trap

She's So Boss Mindset
She's So Boss Mindset
The Personal Growth Trap
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SPEAKERS

Lisa Latimer

 

Lisa Latimer  00:03

Welcome to personal growth, lifestyle, real talk, real results. I’m your host, Lisa Latimer, and I’m bringing personal development. Welcome to personal growth, lifestyle, real talk or real results. I’m your host, Lisa Latimer, self awareness coach helping ambitious women gain clarity, silence, fear, and create the fulfillment that they crave in life and in business. Today, we’re going to talk a little bit about the biggest mistake that I see so many of you making that I made for so many years myself in the journey to personal growth and development, it is a time suck, it is oftentimes a resource suck. And I don’t want to see you kind of fall into this, this trap. So what we’re going to talk about on this episode is number one, we’re gonna dismantle this kind of concept that so many of us have, about when and where personal growth and development begins.

Because this is a huge misconception, that is definitely wasting your time. And instead of seeing those results that you so badly want and deserve, you’re chasing your tail in circles, basically, I’m also going to give you a few tips that you can use to actually start to fix this problem and get the results that you so deserve and want to see. And then of course, you’re going to want to stick around to the end. Because just like every one of my solo episodes, I’m going to leave you with 1-3 thought provoking questions that scratch way beneath the surface of your self awareness that are going to help give you clarity and they make for excellent journaling prompts.

So to tackle the first part of this, when does personal growth and development begin? Well, I think a better question to ask would be, when does personal growth and development not begin. So I will tell you, it does not begin, when you read a self help book. It doesn’t begin when you consume five podcast episodes. It doesn’t even begin when you’re you know on a webinar, whether it’s a live webinar, a recorded webinar or a retreat that Believe it or not, is not when personal growth and development begins. personal growth, the magic, it happens after that. It happens afterward, when you take those nuggets that you’ve learned. And you make them fit you make them doable for you and your lifestyle.

Whether it’s a lifestyle where you’re you know, you you travel a lot for work or for business, let’s say if it’s a lifestyle like mine, where you’re homeschooling children and running a business from home, let it fit into your lifestyle. And the self development is what happens after the consumption. It’s not like the matrix. We’re not there yet. I’m sure you know, Elan Musk is probably somewhere working on it. We’re like in the matrix, you have this chip that can be implanted, you know, in the back of your head and just download something and then you know, all of the information is just there and it’s stored, but we are not there yet. So the consumption, okay, the consumption is not where the personal growth and development or even professional growth and development takes place. It takes place in the execution of it. That is where the magic happens.

I was actually in a room with the millionaires, the multimillionaires and billionaires billionaires on clubhouse a little while ago. And they were talking about this very topic and between the emails I get the DMS that I get on Instagram and then you know when they brought it up in clubhouse today, it just it hit me like I have to do this as a podcast episode. So one of the women who is a moderator in these big dog rooms like, again, the multimillionaires and the billionaires. She was saying you know, if there one guy said You know, there’s just comes up Where how much consumption becomes too much? Right? So her response to that was, you know, I see a lot of the same people in these rooms and asking the same questions. But you’re not leveraging your time very well, if you’re always on clubhouse or any app for that matter, and always consuming, consuming, consuming.

So at what point do you stop consuming, and put the pedal to the metal, and get out there and do it. Because right now, if I had to guess, the implementation is a little bit off to say the least. So the implementation often looks something like, Okay, you’ve consumed all of this information. And now you just kind of throw everything at the wall and see what sticks. And you’re still stuck in the same mindset, you’re still stuck in the same patterns. But now you’ve just kind of created this clusterfuck of information right? In your head. And you’re just getting more frustrated, because now you can’t sift through it, it’s not really in an organized manner. And then you go and consume more information.

The other thing that often happens with the execution is, and this is based on, I think, was the first episode that I did of this podcast, it’s titled when self help sucks. That was based off of a youtubers video, talking about the toxic side of self help industry, how it creates endless consumption and consumers who just eat it up, eat it up, eat it up, and just kind of sustain this dopamine high, because let’s face it, when you read an awesome self help book, or listen to a great podcast episode, or a live webinar, or go on a retreat, it leaves you feeling like you’re on this most amazing, natural high, doesn’t it? But what happens after that, a day goes by two days go by, after you’re so pumped in your sight, and like, yeah, I’m gonna do this, I’m going to do this, I got this, you know, maybe you even have a few steps mapped out. And then by that third or fourth day, that dopamine rush starts going down a little bit, your other obligations start burdening you, the dog has to go to the vet, the kids need to be set up in front of the laptop for hours and hours a day for schooling. Life comes at you and it steals that, that high that motivation. So what do you do, you go running for another hit of it? Right. And then you’re back on that same cycle. And for so many of us, that is all it ever becomes, is a cycle of consumption without execution.

I don’t want that for you. And it’s crazy that I’m sitting here, you know, a self help author podcaster, you know, creating a brand saying, stop consuming so much, right? Maybe I’m kind of cutting off my nose to spite my own face here. But I do it because I genuinely genuinely care. I genuinely want you to get the results, you deserve that same way that I deserve that and I got it, I want you to have the same thing and then some. So you have to get to a point where you stop, you cut yourself off from that high, right? You stop or you you step back long enough to to reflect and this goes back. Great journaling. And you know, I love journaling, being able to journal once a week and say, huh, this is a pattern with me. How can I go from consuming to doing so I want to give you a few tips on how you can do that. Because that truly is the biggest personal growth and development pitfall is getting wrapped up in the consumption and not doing and there are a lot of reasons that we do that one of the biggest reasons that I see people kind of staying in the consumer end rather than the doer end, is because it feels it gives you this sense that you’re being productive, right because we’re taught learning what’s better than learning and learning something new with that. Right?

It gives you this false sense of being productive, when what it’s actually getting to a point of becoming, is distraction. And I can’t tell you what that point is only you can determine that point for yourself. Which ha, this is why I preach self awareness, right. So you have to be able to determine at what point the consumption of self help is becoming a distraction for you. So, one thing that you can do right now to get out of the cycle of consumption, and get to the side of doing, number one, try to understand what your motivation is for the consumption, rather than the doing. So often, we don’t do, because there’s some sort of fear there. And when we go to step that one foot on to the doing side of it, rather than the consuming side, we get met with a lot of resistance, right? We all of a sudden find all of these other things that we have to do that are just eating our time, that don’t give us the time to do we find all of these reasons like, “well, I don’t have the money right now. I don’t have the connections right now, I have to build up my following first”, you know, if it’s a business endeavor, “I have to take care of the kids right now, while they’re at home”, all of these things come up as a reason to keep us in consumer mode, rather than Dewar mode. You have to get to the root of your fear.

I guess I’m kind of sort of giving away the journaling prompts right now. Right? But it’s okay, because I’ll restate them at the end of the episode anyway. So you have to get to the root of what is that fear? What is that fear that is making you so resistant to taking that action? Then you have to set some sort of a goal like, okay, I’ve read this book. Now, before I pick up another damn book, I’m going to give myself a month, two months, three months. And the takeaways that I got from this book, what are the main points I should say, the main takeaways that I got from this book, right, A, B, C, and D. Maybe the first month I’m going to work on implementing this point into my life or practicing this in my life. The second month, I will dedicate to this, the third month, I will dedicate to the third point. And then I’ll start to kind of bring them all together, you have to do it in a way, of course, that fits your life, because you have to show up for yourself. You know, if you sit there and you start making crazy demands of yourself, you’re going to not show up for yourself. And that is going to spiral into just a pattern of negative self talk and negative thoughts and more negative behavior and you don’t want that.

So take break it down into the tiniest little bits initially, that will get you to just show up for yourself. You know, you always hear people say, Oh, you have to set the bar high set the bar high. Well, you know what, sometimes you have to set that bar a bit lower. And you have to make those wins, sometimes, especially initially. You have to make those wins, more easily accessible for yourself. Trust me, between clients, you know, having become more self aware in my own life. That is one of the biggest things. Yeah, there are some of us out there that may be taking small bites, it’s not motivating enough. It’s not exciting enough, and you need to take huge bites. That’s okay to but do it in such a way that number one, you don’t lose interest. You You remain engaged with that goal. And number two, you’re able to actually do it and show up for yourself, right? Similarly, if you’re someone who prefers to consume podcast episodes, listen to one or two episodes a week or one episode a week pick out the main takeaway, the thing that resonated the most with you from that episode, and see how you can apply it to your life. And give yourself the week to work on that one thing before you jump into another podcast episode and another episode or you know another book. So have these kind of limits tations that you put on yourself to lessen the consumption, because consumption overload, information overload, it is a real thing.

You know, as a solopreneur, and this is like one of the quickest examples I could think of, you know, as a solopreneur, you tend to Google everything, right? And you get into Google. And one answer leads you to another question. And then that answer leads you to another question. And before you know it, this quick thing, oh, I just need to figure out how to do this, it’ll take me 10 minutes, you go from that 10 minutes to two and a half hours later, having fallen, like Alice, going down the rabbit hole into this vast area of information, that you’re not even necessarily at that stage yet. Like, that’s not even where you’re at yet. But you’re just consuming, consuming, consuming. So you have to pace yourself, you have to define what exactly is my priority right now? Is it a mindset issue? Is it an accountability issue? Is it a motivation issue, maybe my goal, right, you say yourself, maybe my goal is not a goal. That’s really mine, maybe I’m doing this for my parents, I’m doing this for my spouse, or my kids. I’m doing it for factors that don’t truly resonate with me. And therefore, I can’t be as amped up and dedicated to it. As I couldn’t be for something that really does amped me up and resonate with me.

You have to ask yourself these questions, and you have to be brutally honest with yourself when it comes down to the answer. Because that is everything. And I’m going to tell you this, this little tip, and it’s so unsexy, but it is 150% truth. You know, you know, that shortcut that you’re looking for? I’ll tell you what that shortcut is. It’s clarity. That shortcut that you’re looking for, is clarity. And clarity comes. And I know this as a coach, because I do this in my practice all the time. Because I don’t tell you what to do. I don’t give you your epiphany is I can’t hand you your aha moments, right? But what I do is I ask the right questions at the right time. And hope that you’ll be, you know, honest enough with yourself, even if you don’t say the answer out loud to me, that you’ll be honest enough with yourself, to be able to get that clarity that you need, so that you’re not taking a handful of stuff and just throwing it against the wall to see what sticks. Right? You need that clarity. So be clear. from the get go before you even embark on your personal growth and development journey. What are your main pain points? What are the areas of life that you are really feeling stuck in. And again, if you can, try and understand if it’s a mindset issue, if it’s an accountability issue, if it’s a motivational issue, maybe it’s a little bit of all of those things, which is so super common.

And I will tell you that if you are someone who has that thing, where it’s kind of like a few different things all balled up into one, you’re going to get so much from my ambitious women rise Facebook group, and by ambitious women rise with a Z off social media community. And in that community, even at the free membership level, we’re going to have monthly group coaching monthly, what I call goal construction sessions, and you get weekly motivation and accountability check-ins. So make sure if you go to my website at Lisa latimer.com, you book a chat with me a free 20-minute chat, we could see if one of those groups would be a great alternative for you, especially if you are someone who is wanting to work with a coach but you know, it’s a crazy time right now, maybe a group setting would be more beneficial for you or a community. So again, if you’re a little fatigued from social media, you can join the off social media Be a community. And if you’re on Facebook, and you don’t mind hanging out there, you know, go ahead and request to join the Facebook group ambitious women rise on Facebook.

So back to this mistake that so many of us make along our personal growth and development journeys. It takes clarity to get you from point A to point B, when you’re not clear on something, that’s when you really waste your time and your resources, right going for the wrong things. And in a lot of ways life, and certainly, your journey to self-discovery is a lot of trial and error. But the danger zone that we get into when we get stuck in that consumer area, rather than that do worry area is that we’re not even allowing ourselves to get out there. And to learn what’s for us and what’s not for us what works and what doesn’t work. Your mistakes are your biggest teachers and your fastest routes to clarity. Yes, being a Dewar, even when that doing is making mistakes. Right? That is still getting you more and more clarity. Why? Because Okay, I’ve done it this way. And I see that that doesn’t work. That’s one, you know, one method eliminated. Now we have two, three more to go. Let’s Let’s go. Let’s try this. So you have to be out there doing you have to detach yourself from the consuming.

Again, if you’re looking for that dopamine rush, let me tell you something. Do you want to know what’s more amazing than the rush that you get? After completing a self-help book or listening to an awesome podcast episode, you want to know what’s better than that? The high of all highs is actually having an aha moment. Oh, I live for facilitating these aha moments in my clients. And when I have them myself, because of course, self-awareness, your personal growth journey never ends, right? You’re always evolving. So yeah, when I have my own aha moments, addictive, totally addictive, and motivating, like you would not believe. Once you have that, you just want to go digging for more and more and more. So I want you to email me at info at Lisa latimer.com. And let me know, how can I help you to get from the other side the side of consumption and get onto the side of doing? How can I help you do that? Because it’s 2021. And we have seen with COVID. And just all the craziness in the world that’s going on right now we have seen that time does not give one damn about when you feel ready. When you feel ready, and what is ready anyway.

What’s your definition of ready when the moon and the stars and the planets are all in that perfect alignment for you is that when you’re going to be ready to step away from being a consumer and step into being a doer. It’s never going to happen. You have to take those steps, those either big steps or those little steps that allow you to show up for yourself. So I’m going to leave you with a couple of specific thought-provoking questions right now. So if you have a way of writing them down, let’s get to it. Number one, what does your procrastination look like when it takes off that mask? what’s under that mask of procrastination? Is it fear? Is it doubt is an imposter syndrome. What is hiding underneath that procrastination of yours? Is it this idea, this unrealistic idea of perfectionism that at some point, you know everything is just going to be so perfectly aligned, that you’re going to do it and you’re it’s going to go off without a hitch, and you’re never going to go back into old patterns, is it too much turmoil going on in your family? And with other people around you right now that’s negatively affecting you that you can’t get into the doing part? What is it? Because when we stay in procrastination, it’s actually our brain, trying really, really hard and usually do a damn good job of protecting us from something. That fear could be a fear of humiliation.

And then this is kind of Part B to the first question where you can make this your second question. Either way, it works. Once you unmask what’s actually hiding underneath that procrastination, I want you to reflect and think of what other moment or moments in your life that it reminds you of. So for example, let’s say,  the thing that you’re procrastinating on when you take off your procrastination mask, it’s fear, and specifically the fear of being embarrassed, or the fear of not, or looking or sounding like you don’t know what you’re talking about. When else in life, have you felt like that? What other situations have made you feel like that? Who, in your life has made you feel like that? Or presently makes you feel like that? So that’s number one, Part A and Part B.

The second question I want you to ask yourself is this, what are my goals, with my personal growth and development, one month from now, three months from now, six months from now, three years from now. Because when you look at it incrementally, you’re able to put it together in a more cohesive way. Setting broad general goals in any part of life rarely gets the results that you want, rarely gets any results at all, actually online, it gets you the results, it keeps you exactly where you are. Because no matter what you do, you’re always getting a result.

 So keep that in mind. It just may not be the result that you want. So when you actually give yourself a timeline, and goals and expectations, even if it’s just a vague idea of what you want to have down a month from now, what you want to have down pat, three months from now, it’s a plan. And it’s a timeline to go along with that plan. So it’s not just shooting from the hip. So it’s not just listening to every podcast that’s out there. It’s maybe zeroing in on one or two, or just picking podcast episodes that are specific to what you want at that point. If it’s books that you’re more into, okay, now, instead of downloading and having three books to read, you have one to read. And it’s one that has specifically to do with what your goal for that moment in time is.

 Because if you don’t do this, if you allow yourself to continue wading, in this vast ocean of information, you’re going to drown. You’re going to feel burned out. And you know what, most of the time, you’re going to blame yourself even if you outwardly blame, you know the self-help industry. If you blame any other external factors, it’s still going to sit within you and within your subconscious as another thing that you didn’t show up for yourself for something that you didn’t accomplish. No matter how much you put it on someone else externally. I am telling you that in your subconscious, it’s going to Nestle in there and it is going to create a thick, sick bunch of weeds of negative self-talk that you’re going to now have to hack your way through. So have a plan going into your personal growth and development journey.

And lastly, number three I want you to get to the core of your why Why do you want to be better? Again, it cannot be just that general Well, I just want to be a better all-around person or better roll around human being. Okay? But why? What is it that’s going to tie to that? What is it that’s going to give you these thick sturdy roots, in that, in that cause in that journey, when that journey is, you know, you taking three steps forward, and then 10, backward, what’s going to keep you on that path. It’s not fun. It’s not fun, it’s addictive. When you get these aha moments, it’s rewarding. But even when something is rewarding, and has it’s really enjoyable moments, those hurricanes, those high winds, they come and they will blow you right off of your path if you let them if your roots are not dug in enough, and a why a heavy why.

 And I talked about this on another episode, not the dandelion type, why’s that blow away with the slightest breeze, the boulder wise, like boulder as a big, big, heavy rock, that nothing is moving? Those are the type of why’s that really have your back bear, you can’t move those wise. So why do you want to be a better person? Do you want to be a better person because, for example, myself and this wonderful group that I’m a part of called radical mothers, we are into self-healing ourselves. Because we know that we are the ones that break generational traumas. And so we want to pass on a parenting style that is a lot more mindful to our children and this generation. That’s my why. My Why is I want to reparent myself, so that I can be the parent to my children, that I wished my parents would have been in terms of their level of consciousness.

So what is your WHY? If you need help figuring this out, go on my website, visit my Lisa latimer.com. You can jump on my calendly you could schedule a 20-minute free chat right there from my website with me. You can join you can request to join the Facebook group, ambitious women rise ri SC, you can also join Ambitious Women Rize (with a Z) community that’s off of social media. Because so often, you know, you may not even have that strong of a why right now. But you can develop it, you can absolutely develop it. And a great way of being tied to something right is to be tied to other like-minded people on that same journey. And having those connections, especially in this time where it’s so hard to feel connection. Having those connections can make all the difference in the world. So be sure that you check out those communities, jump on my Instagram at personal growth (underscore) lifestyle. In my bio, you have the multiple links, so you can request to join the Facebook group and join the community or from there, you can also jump on my calendly and schedule a free discovery call with me from there as well. So that is what I’m leaving you with for today. I want you to get this right. I want you to stop wasting your time. I want you to get those results. That’s why you do it. You don’t do it because you have nothing better to do. You do it because you want to get the results. And I don’t want you making this mistake anymore. Even if it means that you listen to my podcast less, even if it means that you don’t wind up downloading my book. I will have no hard feelings on it. And again, sometimes what you need is someone who can help you put all of these pieces that you’ve got floating around in your head together and work with you in a way that is systematic, organized and devoted to you. Which for that again, go on my website and jump on my calendly I would love to chat with you. So, I am Lisa Latimer. I hope to talk to you next week. Until then I am helping you make personal growth part of your lifestyle.

Are you ready to become your most valuable asset? book a free chat with me at Lisa latimer.com. From there you can grab my Amazon bestseller Who the fuck are you? increased self awareness to gain clarity silence, fear and create fulfillment in life in business. You can also check out my courses, self aware goal setting and speak it into existence with more courses to come. I’m Lisa Latimer and I’m helping you make personal growth part of your lifestyle.

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Show Host

Lisa Latimer self-awareness coach and podcast host.  

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Lisa Latimer

Show Host

Self-Awareness Coach, Author, Solopreneur, and Homeschooling Mom of 2 kiddos.

After self-healing from over a decade of toxic relationships, empty friendships, and rocky relationships with her family, Lisa Latimer knows what it takes to retreat within yourself to create the fulfillment you crave in life and business.

This Hempstead Long Island girl brings her combination of street smarts, heart, and unique perception on every episode of Personal Growth Lifestyle Podcast to help you cut through the BS and get the results you want in life and business

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