What Rachel Hollis’ Debacle Teaches Us

She's So Boss Mindset
She's So Boss Mindset
What Rachel Hollis' Debacle Teaches Us

I had a completely different topic ready for you today, but the latest Rachel Hollis debacle really caught my attention for so many reasons. So I’m bringing you another episode of teachable moments from our pop culture. And to be honest, at first I wasn’t even going to touch this, you know. I’m not even a big Rachel Hollis person myself, not even a little Rachel Hollis person to be honest with you. And my first thought was, “oh, God, here goes canceled culture again”. You know, I don’t like partaking in cancel culture. To be quite honest with you, I believe that we’re operating on a degree of self righteousness when we just outright cancel someone you know, everything that they’re about, try to see to it that they meet their demise personally and professionally. unless they’ve done something that is completely egregious. It’s a little self righteous to claim to know what’s in someone’s heart, whom you’ve never met before. Some people are just clumsy with their words. Some people are just naive to certain things. And I like to give people room to grow, otherwise, I wouldn’t be in the personal growth and development space, if I didn’t believe in it.

So then I did a little bit of digging, and I went on Rachel’s Instagram. And I thought initially that it was just an offending comment. And there was an offending comment. But it was in response to a Tiktok video that she made. That is what’s at the root, essentially, of why everyone got so pissed off with her in the first place. So today, as we unpack Rachel’s recent incident that offended so many, we’re going to kind of identify the lessons for ourselves to grow from it. And of course, you’re gonna want to stick around until the end and get the 1-3 thought-provoking questions that I always leave you with. At the end of one of my solo episode they make for excellent journal prompts and they scratch the surface of your self-awareness self.

I know you hear my papers rustling! I’ve got a lot of papers today. If you want the short and sweet version of this, feel free to hop on my Instagram at personal @growth_lifestyle and check out my latest IGTV.

So, the powerhouse brand that is Rachel Hollis, it includes her blog, her books like Girl Wash Your Face, Girl Stop Apologizing, and I think her latest one is Didn’t See That Coming. Boy if there were ever a fitting title! Oops, sorry about that diesel just knocked my brush off the table. You know how cats can be. Um, so yeah, it’s her books, and her motivational speaking gigs. And I think that was through her brand Rise. And she did a lot of that with her now ex-husband, Dave Hollis.

I want to make one thing clear right from the get-go. I’m not gonna slam this woman. That’s not the purpose of today’s show. But I’ll say this, I’ll say the things that I’m going to say. And you can take it however you want. I have a long history from my first 11-year relationship with my high school ex-boyfriend and then went on to a second more dangerous relationship after that. And they were both narcissists. I’ve got a pretty keen sense of the energy of a narcissist. For that, among other reasons, I was just never able to get into Rachel Hollis.

I heard so many wonderful, wonderful things about her. And a few groups that I’m a part of on Facebook, I got the impression that you either love her or you hate her. And there wasn’t too much of an in-between on that. So you know we’re in the same space. And of course, she’s on my radar. She has no idea who I am and that’s okay. But the couple of times that like I said that I did try to get into her, her vibe repelled me and that’s cool. And this is an important lesson right from the get-go here. Not everyone is for everyone. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone is to blame for that. Right? You know you know that you just vibe with certain people and you don’t vibe with other people. So maybe you’ve never give that person a chance. Right? That doesn’t necessarily mean that they were bad or that you’re bad. But you picked up on a vibe and you rolled with it. So that’s exactly what I did.

You know, I knew just from being on social media that there had been a few incidences prior to this tiktok video that got everyone’s feathers ruffled with Rachel. The first thing was, she has been accused of this, this peddling of toxic positivity. And it reminds me a lot of a podcast episode I did. And I’ll link it here in the show notes about When Self-Help Sucks. That’s the title of it, when we get kind of gaslit into this idea that it’s supposed to be positivity on tap, 24-seven, we’re not supposed to acknowledge our negative feelings and dig deeper and understand them that creates toxicity within us. So that’s the first thing that she’s would typically get a lot of crap for.

Second is plagiarism, which is it serious. She has been accused of plagiarizing all sorts of people, including Maya Angelou on her Instagram and never giving credit to the real, the real original sources. That’s a big problem. As a writer, as someone who is, you know, a micro-level thought leader, that’s a big problem. You know, when you have someone on that level that comes in grabs from you and never gives credit, that kind of is like a knife in the heart.

Third, apparently, she and her now ex-husband were teaming up selling out, like I mentioned before, the motivational speaking events for Rise, and selling them on the premise that they had a perfect marriage. And then they blindsided their fans with their divorce. And listen, I don’t believe you should go through something that painful and feel obligated to have to give a play by play just because you’re a prominent figure. But to the flip side of that, I can also understand how fans of hers slash there’s at the time, right because they were kind of like a package deal and in a lot of aspects. So I can understand how their fans who spent their time attention and hard-earned money, taking relationship advice or looking up to them as this kind of picture of a perfect marriage and how marriage can be and marital bliss, right? I can understand how they would feel like they got duped, you can definitely see that.

So no transparency the entire time while accepting money to teach people something that they themselves are struggling to keep together. And here’s the thing that’s crazy. There is no shame in struggle. It makes you human relatable. And then there was also and I quote this on one or two posts and comments of hers, that apparently some people feel like she engaged in body shaming. I don’t know exactly how she went about that. Because again, I never was able to dig into her stuff deep enough, but I have seen accusations of that as well. Now fast forward to this week’s debacle. Keep in mind now, you have to keep in the your back pocket this whole time that this is a woman who has an empire built on being relatable, and likable. The relatable mom, the relatable entrepreneur, with the mantra that you can do it all on your own, all you need is your mindset.

So apparently, the trigger for this event was a fan commented to her that she’s no longer relatable, and that she’s privileged as fuck. In response to a prior video that Rachel posted where she talks about her cleaning lady that she hires two times a week who cleans her toilet. She mentioned twice that this woman who she said is lovely, you know, lovely woman, a lovely person, cleans her toilet, which I’m sure she does way more than that. And as a homeschooling mom running a business from home, trust me, I can tell you and I’m sure you can relate, I can tell you the mental and emotional kind of rescuing, that having someone help you keep your home and your shit together really offers it goes a hell of a lot deeper than she cleans my toilets.

You know how you feel operating in chaos, versus everything being where it’s supposed to be no clutter, no mess. It has a huge impact. I’ll be honest with you, my toilets are the least of my concerns. Mental clarity is what it is all about. Okay. So after posting about her house cleaner in a demeaning way, and that’s a whole other layer to unpack. And seeing that comment about being privileged as fuck, Rachel allowed herself To get triggered to the point that her brand is now in serious jeopardy. What was Rachel’s response, this woman that built her brand on being relatable and likable? She said, What makes you think that I want to be linkable?

And then on the back of that, she goes on to say that she doesn’t want to be relatable because not everyone’s willing to work as hard as she does to have that privilege. Not everyone’s willing to get up at 4 am she says, and grind like she does with her team. I’m sure that helps just a little bit right. Not to overlook getting up at 4 am. Because Listen, I know a lot of people do it because there’s something that they are absolutely passionate about. They’re absolutely motivated, whether it’s that that’s the only time they have to work out or to work on their business, or to just have that mental space alone before the kids wake up. Okay, I tried forcing it on myself. And I spent the entire day feeling like I got hit over the head with a frying pan. So I totally appreciate what it takes to get up at 4 am and function an entire day. I totally appreciate it, I respect it.

Then she started comparing herself. This it gets a little rough here started comparing yourself to phenomenal women like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Oprah, and Harriet Tubman. I tell you the title of her next book has to be Girl Know When to Shut Your Mouth. I was just like, Oh, my God, girl bring, you know, let’s slow down and bring it back into focus. But she went like all the way they’re being triggered by being called privileged. So this all got me to thinking once again about the toxic positivity, culture, and toxic side of the self-help industry. As much as I love what I do, I have to acknowledge that this side does exist. A huge problem for me is when someone in the self-help space can’t or just plain refuses to acknowledge that we’re not all neatly lined up at the same starting line, running a simple race. It’s downright dishonest to say all you need is your mindset and to be positive.

That’s even another podcast I did about why I stopped messing with the idea of manifesting abundance. I’ll link that in the show notes as well. This gross oversimplification of how we can just think our way to what we want and need it’s literally and I know this because my sisters and I are all Disney freaks to the point that we sit there and will sometimes answer each other in Disney character voices I shit you not or quote different pieces of our favorite character from Disney movies when appropriate. It’s it’s hilarious. It’s like our thing. It’s our Latimer sister thing. It’s literally like indulging in Peter Pan who I’m sure her ex is actually rather familiar with because he’s a former Disney Exactly. I remember the song from Peter Pan when Peter Pan’s of the room and the kids want to go to never Neverland with him as the song goes “Think of happy things. It’s the same as having wings”. And that’s when Peter meets Wendy and her brothers and they have to fly to never Neverland, and even then, they need pixie dust sprinkled on them. Even then they can’t just think the happy bullets and fly they need that extra sprinkle of pixie dust on them.

So in this real world, I’m willing to bet that a cancer patient won’t be able to manifest their health, you know, stop the chemo. Stop the pain and nausea. the same way a woman living in California whose parents are in the tech industry spending a few hours a day on the beach soaking up the sun would be able to. I’m also willing to bet that the celebrities that we all saw telling us were in COVID together during the major major lockdowns, I’m willing to bet that from their jacuzzis, their home theater room, their vacation home that they had the luxury of being able to fly private jets to and from, I’m willing to bet that they’re just more positive thinkers than those of us who went through COVID lockdowns with five people in a small apartment with a shared courtyard. The celebrities were able to manifest a better state of mental health throughout that than you and I. That’s what it boils down to. Right just To think your way through it.

So anyone refusing to acknowledge that we’re all at different starting points, and in different sets of circumstances, doing the best that we can, with what we have to work with on any given day, and moment, simply doesn’t deserve to be in the self-help space. Get out. I don’t care who you are. If, if you are someone in that self-help space, and you’re making people feel less than if you’re making people feel like they’re not enough, find something else to do. Anyone in the self-help space as a consumer that makes you feel like your efforts or your life is minuscule. Anyone in the self-help space that makes you feel like that doesn’t deserve your attention.

And let’s get something straight here. And this is a huge realization to have your attention is as valuable as money in many ways. If you’re listening to my podcast right now, or on my ID and my Facebook group, she’s so boss mindset incubator. You’re helping me grow my brand. When you turn around and say to a friend, oh, hey, I found this woman I like listening to you should give her podcast a listen and follow her. You are literally helping me. Create brand awareness and grow. Stop undervaluing your time and attention. It’s a commodity. How many other podcasts Could you be listening to right now, but you’re hanging out with me. And I thank you for that.

So make sure who you pay in your time, attention. And hard-earned money doesn’t make you feel like shit about where you started, about where you are, and about where you’re going. Make sure that you are not paying people to Gaslight you. I’ll give you an example of something that makes me cringe, it makes the hair on the back of my neck and my arms stand up at attention. Say you have kids. And I’ve literally been in the presence of conversations like this. So say you have kids, and you’re trying to get your business off the ground. And the person who calls themselves motivating or inspiring you says something like, “Well, I have an extra two or three kids. And I managed to be a size five, make 10k a month travel, and keep it spicy with my husband every night in our blissful marriage so that he has eyes for only me. Why can’t you do the same”?

Who does that? Who does that? any normal thinking person would say Oh fucking says that. A lot of people. A lot of people do that. That’s the answer. Even in the light of it, being crystal clear that the person that they’re trying to motivate has completely different situational circumstances. It’s gaslighting, and it’s toxic as fuck. And if you are someone who even just as a friend or relative, you don’t even have to be in the personal the personal growth and development or the self-help space, right? You might just be a friend, how many times has a friend come to you with the same boyfriend or girlfriend issue. And you get to the point where you’re like, Oh, you know, you, you just have to put your foot down. You just have to stop dating losers. They throw that just in there and then a very nonspecific action that you should take. And nothing says I am tired of hearing this shit. I am not interested in your problem. Then when you say, You know when you start your advice to someone with just it’s a gross oversimplification. And it’s also absolute kind of shrug, you’re shrugging off whatever degree of struggle that that person has already been through, just to get to even where they are at that moment.

So that is something that Rachel Hollis kind of seems like she’s getting slammed for and what her approach kind of reminds me of it’s that Oh, you just approach that assumes that everyone is behind that neat, straight horizontal line that’s painted on the ground at that same starting point. Any guru of any type who can’t hold a space for people with a steeper hill to climb, to speak their truth and be acknowledged, doesn’t deserve your attention. Now, we can get into the privileged conversation all day long. And I bring it to this the whole privilege thing. Because this is exactly the comment that Rachel Hollis received that seems to have caused her to have diarrhea of the mouth, and blatantly undo her brand in a matter of seconds.

We are all privileged and underprivileged in certain respects when we compare ourselves to others. As a biracial family, I’ve seen my mother who is Italian, be treated one way, my mother would go and meet with the realtor. And my father was always working, (one of the hardest working men I know next to my husband). And so she would go initially take a look, see if it was worth my father, sparing a little bit of free time that he had to go and look. So she had the red carpet rolled out for her. And then when she showed up with my father, it was a completely different vibe, who the person being kind of short with her and with them, other areas, or houses that they wanted to look at, or suddenly we’re not available.

I’ve also witnessed my sister, there are two of us who are lightened family, and then two of us who are a bit darker and more rich complexion in the family. So my sister who is of a darker complexion, I’ve seen her be questioned when she walks into a place, same place that I walk into and never get questioned. I see differences, because, you know, we’re biracial family, and I am observant and mindful. So I feel comfortable talking about privilege, it’s not something that makes me uncomfortable, I do have a level of privilege.

Although I work hard running a business from home, even with my husband recovering from a massive stroke that he had the day after his 46th birthday, just a little bit over a year ago now. And I have no problem admitting that I have this privilege in spite of these things, in spite of working hard, in spite of you know, a bad health situation that almost took my husband, I got a back, even in that I’m privileged to a degree because I got my husband back. How many people can say that they didn’t get their loved one back. So I have no problem admitting that. I preach self-awareness. And I do my human best to be someone who walks the talk.

And what really strikes me as being funny is that we have no problem in certain situations, admitting that we have a degree of privilege. So when you practice gratitude, gratitude is such a huge thing, whether you’re in the realm of manifesting abundance, or whether you know, you’re talking about God and spirituality, when you’re giving gratitude and acknowledging that you have more than someone else. That’s not uncomfortable.

So when the pandemic happened in schools here, where I am in Long Island, they reopened full time, but I didn’t feel comfortable sending my kids yet. And on the flip side of that my daughter hated she did not take to the virtual learning. So that’s when I started homeschooling. And do you know what I was thinking about? I was constantly thinking about the women and the families who also didn’t want to send their kids back, or who couldn’t do virtual learning because they had to go to work and we’re scrambling to make arrangements or forced to send their kids into a situation that scared them. Maybe they or another person in the home was immune-compromised. To have at least the eyes, ears, and financial stability of my retired husband who yes is recovering from a stroke and myself having income and flexibility and the where with all the mental-emotional, you know capacity to homeschool? I’m privileged as fuck in that respect. Are you kidding me? It’s something that I’ve thanked God for throughout this pandemic many times in my nightly gratitude prayer. So why would it be a source of being triggering for me?

Can we step back and normalize, acknowledging when we have it better than others. It’s not a slight to be defensive over. It is a blessing to be grateful for and to pray for Others to be as blessed as you are, and then some, which is something I included my gratitude prayer every night. If you have something in your life that you are grateful for, you are acknowledging in that gratitude that it doesn’t have to be that great that for other people, that particular thing doesn’t exist, even if all you have to be grateful for is your ability to have gratitude, you are in a higher level, you have something that someone else hasn’t been able to attain yet.

It’s not a slight, it’s not something that should be taken as, “Oh, you’re trying to say that I didn’t work hard.” Rachel found it triggering. And she chose the path of personal and professional destruction. To me, that speaks volumes, about her confidence, her self-love, her self-worth. And, and even more than that, to have gotten so unraveled over someone saying that, first of all, even if you don’t want to, you know, admit that she does come from some degree of privilege. I mean, listen, your husband was a Disney exec, so I’m sure that there was a degree of financial stability that you had access to certain connections and money that maybe the next person doesn’t have.

You can acknowledge that and still sit there and have an achievement. That’s noteworthy. That’s worth celebrating. That’s worth people giving you their ear, their time, you know, their money, it doesn’t diminish you. And I think that’s where she really got tripped up. Don’t get it twisted out here. Some of the most outwardly successful people who have grand achievements are the most insecure. I know this, through my coaching. I used to think that only women like I was at the time who were not self-aware who were lacking self-esteem, self-love. I thought that we were the only women who fell for narcissists until I started my coaching practice. And I saw that it is women that have this incredible outward projection of success and happiness and having it all so to speak, that are really suffering with things like falling for Narcists, or being with a narcissist and not knowing how to get out of it. That person may be running shit at work, but at home, it’s the complete opposite.

So don’t look at someone and necessarily feel that just because they have this outward success, this enviable, even success, that they even realize necessarily what they have, or that they’re even grateful for it. And we’re going to get into the three Actually, I have two for you two thought-provoking questions that you could ask yourself, you know, on your own pursuit to personal growth and development, with regards to who you’re following and who you’re taking your inspiration and advice from.

So number one, how do you feel listening to them? Does their message align with you? is who they are and those vibes, learn how to get in touch with and how to listen and act on your intuition. Let those antennas go up and learn how to pick up those vibes. So how do you feel listening to whoever you listen to? Or follow?

Second? Does that person speak your language? Is there anything about them that really resonates with you? Do they show parts of themselves that reflect that they understand and have an ability to relate to you even if they didn’t walk? Exactly in your shoes? No one can walk exactly in your same shoes, those belong to you. But are they humble enough to show you where they started? Are they humble enough to talk about their struggles in a real way? Are they willing to say “listen, I believe that mindset is so important, but if you are struggling, I want to hear you out because the truth of the matter is, I have a, b, c, and d now, but it started off way back here. And this is the behind the curtains that you don’t necessarily see.

You know, we have a lot of influencers that romanticize different things, right. So if you’re a real estate influencer, you romanticize homeownership, right? We’re not talking about when shit starts falling apart and you know, something springs a leak and your basement is flooded. We’re not getting Showing that right? When you are a foodie influencer, you’re showing these beautiful dishes, you’re not showing the first time you tried it and it tasted like shit. And the dog wouldn’t even eat it right is showing us your masterpiece on a plate! You have to keep these things in mind when you’re looking at who you’re going to follow who you’re going to, again, pay that valuable time, attention, and hard-earned money to. So that’s what I’m leaving you with today.

Thank you for giving me your time and attention today. It is greatly appreciated. And I pray that it always will be I pray that I never lose my way. I really do hope that Rachel Hollis is able to step back. And I don’t think she just has to step back. I think she’s got to step way back and do a lot of kind of soul searching and assessing and see, where did I start losing joy in this? You know, where did this start to, to become the sort of mechanical process for me, when did my heart and my soul stop aligning with my mission? Right, whatever her mission initially was. And maybe this wasn’t for me to begin with.

You know, I am the ultimate Instagram stalker. I and I did this with Rachel Hollis too, but especially when and I tend to do this when someone is really famous and successful. I’ll troll all the way to the bottom of that Instagram page. And I want to see who you were. I want to know who you were, what are you showing those humble beginnings? Right. And I did see on Rachel Hollis has paid she started out I guess this is when she was just blogging. Right. And I saw a little bit of that. And then I saw the drastic rebranding and you know her new direction. And that’s cool, you know, but I think that with the influencer space, it’s amazing to show that and I think that we need to show that more those humble beginnings, because nobody should be following someone that feels so out of touch. And so unrelatable and you also do want to have someone who is raising the bar and giving you something to aspire to, but again, not making you feel like shit in the process.

So that’s what I’m leaving you with today. If you enjoyed this episode, please give it a share. Give it a like give it a rating. subscribe to the podcast newsletter that I haven’t even started sending out yet. If you’re someone who hates spam, I tell you you’re not going to be disappointed with me. I am not one to slam your inbox. So thank you so much for being with me again. I will see you next time.

Follow me on Instagram @personalgrowth_lifestyle 

Podcast Episode “When Self-Help Sucks”

Podcast Episode “Is Manifesting Abundance Hurting You”?

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